So that last post was a little drab. It was a bad day. Recently, I have been really feeling the weight of my finances. With a husband in school and me not working, things have been a little tight. On top of that we would like another baby. Yes, we have one child. I was able to conceive. Once. She's my miracle baby and in a future post I will tell all about it but for now, that is all to be said.
Just because I have one child, people think that I should be happy and grateful and not talk about my infertility. As if I'm not infertile any more because I got pregnant ONE time. I always hoped that once I had a baby, it would jump start my system or something. Didn't happen. So here I am again. With that infertility thing hanging over me. Always there. Always consuming me. But, I have my sweet little girl. And I'm okay for another day. Week. Month. Year.
The day before church on Sunday had been pretty bad. I had a really long cycle and I had that hope that is time....but no. I was reminded of why I don't test. And then lesson in Relief Society on Sunday was on this talk in April's conference.
I can't even explain how much I needed that talk. It put so much in perspective to me. And I realized what I had and how blessed I am. Ever since, I have been trying to focus more on the present. To live in the now. I don't want to look back on my life and say "I wish I would have..." I want to know that I spent every day with my daughter to the fullest. I don't want to always be wishing for something more or better. That doesn't mean I don't want another child. Oh how I do. But I need to live for the one that I have. And then, just trust that when the time is right, the Lord will send me another baby.
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